I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
