Kiss
Puke
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
