This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Drake has all the answers
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
