I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
A+ Viking dick
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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