how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
