Apparently you make a good broom.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
