ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
