Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
