Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
