he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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