well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
