her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
