What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
