just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
