oh god the rape fog is back!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
there is glitter all over my balls
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
