Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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