it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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