i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
