I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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