He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am midnight drunk by noon
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
