Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
