Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
