Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
