Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
