I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
