my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
