I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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