we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
