I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
