She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i came on her dog
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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