i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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