I cannot find my penis.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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