she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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