i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
