Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
