I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
