im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
