I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
