Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
