you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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