please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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