Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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