Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
