I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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