I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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