Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
