Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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