Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
