If that was your dad, he is hot
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
