I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
