toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
