yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
