She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
