fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
MIDGETS
????
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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