I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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