The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
